What do I say? The everyman’s guide to conversation with a stranger.

“But what do I say?”

This is one of the most common questions that I have gotten from guys, who aren’t quite sure of what they should be saying when they are in a bar or a social setting and keep finding themselves wanting to have some kind of meaningful conversation with beautiful women. The guy in question is usually successful in his professional life and analytical in his approach to everything, overanalyzing and stressing out over situations that should be fun and relaxing.

This is not a bad thing, and it doesn’t make him weird. It actually makes him pretty normal, many guys who didn’t grow up surrounded by all of the popular girls and friends wound up in a loop of wondering why the other guy always got the girl and they always ended up standing on the sidelines during school dances and other activities, which lead them to think about it over and over again obsessively.

Once in that mindset, they tend to over think everything related to women and find themselves frozen and unable to come up with anything “good” to say when they finally do have the courage to say something and try to make a move on that one girl that they have obsessed over or just any attractive girl that they would see. Many guys keep this up for years, until the thought of approaching a stranger and striking up a good conversation that will lead to a date or sex is just completely out of their reality.

It doesn’t have to be, for most guys who think that they are not cool enough or attractive enough to get that girl, it’s all in their minds. If you have a penis and bathe on a regular basis, then there is no reason why you aren’t entitled to talk to any woman, and also no reason why there is anything special that you need to say.

For guys with this mindset, all you need to do is just relax and lower your standard for what a conversation has to be about. Unless the girl in question is a rocket scientist, It is unlikely that a conversation about quantum physics or about string theory is going to get her all hot and bothered. Does that mean that you have to pretend to be dumber then you are? Absolutely not, in fact having intellect is great, but when you first meet someone just keep conversations to fun topics that are not about where they live, work, etc…

The simplest way to never run out of things to say is just to let whatever comes to your mind flow out of your mouth, there is no need for lines or anything of the sort. Saying anything is good, but it is even better if you can make it something that you can express yourself and your passions through.

If you’re still having a hard time thinking of stuff to say, then start a note in your phone or breakout that pad and paper and for two weeks just right down every time that something or interesting happens to you. By the end of two weeks, you should have so many things to talk about that you could fill an hour of bs conversation.

Once you get past this point and you are comfortable just talking to random people, toss the notebook and just talk about the things that you find fun and are passionate about. If you love the mating habits of silverback gorillas then there is no reason why you can’t make that into an interesting topic.

Many guys will still want to know that magic pickup line that they need to say to start that conversation, and here it is. “Hi, I’m _____________.” That is it, all you need to do is get out there and make conversation, have fun with it and relax. This is hard at first for many guys at first, but with a little time and practice it will become something that no longer causes anxiety and butterflies in the stomach, but something that just happens naturally and is fun.

Go forth, have fun and be social!

– John


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